St. Ardbeg's Hospital for the Permanently Befuddled was originally founded by Opus Barlei in the early nineteenth century for the treatment of liver disorders and scurvy. Our proprietary treatments, developed by world-renowned Dr. Hamish Dalmore, have proved extremely successful in the healing of spiritual melancholia and moral despair. The florid monks of Opus Barlei have dedicated their lives to the service of the befuddled throughout the world.

Spiritum Laudamus!

Monday, June 12


Dr. Hamish Dalmore
1802 - 1911

Dr. Hamish Dalmore, creator of the Dalmore Method, labored feverishly during the great Spirits crisis of the late 19th century to find a treatment which would release patients from the grip of impure, or blended, whisky. A firm believer in testing his hypotheses and treatments on himself before subjecting patients to the vicissitudes of the scientific method, Dr. Dalmore discovered that a carefully applied course of single malts could not only bring about a full recovery in patients, but could even extend their lives far beyond the Mosaic standard of 'three score and ten.' We honor Dr. Dalmore's memory in the Dalmore Pharmaceutical Lounge where a full selection of his astonishing cures may be found. We invite visitors to join our dedicated staff in the DPL to sample what we refer to as 'Dr. Dalmore's Miracle.'
Posted by St. Ardbeg's Hospital for the Terminally Befuddled at 2:10 AM

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