The staff at St. Ardbeg's is in a desperate race to save the ancient, sacred relics of their patron from a fire raging in the peat bogs surrounding the hospital. The monks, stripped of their robes and sweaty torsos glistening in the reflected heat of the wildfire, are working in a state of ecstatic furor to prevent the loss of the dearest and most holy objects of veneration.
Contents of the Dalmore Pharmaceutical Lounge have already been removed to a sanctuary not far from the hospital grounds where they are under twenty-four-hour guard by the Knights of Malt.
Other articles housed in the chapel of Our Lady of Perpetual Stupor are now being loaded for transport to an undisclosed location in a deep underground bunker where they can be saved for posterity.
The monks and lay staff of the hospital are also finding beds and rooms for patients under their care where the Dalmore Method can continue to be administered to them. St. Ardbeg doctors have assured families that treatment will not be disrupted and that their loved ones will soon be returned to them in complete health.
More information will be released as conditions warrant.
At this time the doctors, the order of Opus Barlei and the staff of St. Ardbeg's asks for your continued prayers and donations to help save the hospital.
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